El ciclo de violencia representa un patrón experimentado en relaciones abusivas. Las tres fases se repiten una y otra vez. La violencia doméstica es un patrón de abuso en una relación íntima que se intensifica con el tiempo. El ciclo de violencia es intergeneracional. No sólo se repite en una relación abusiva, repite por emergentes en las relaciones de personas que experimentaron y fue testigo de violencia en sus hogares crecen.
Aprender cómo ayudar a un amigo
Si tienes un amigo que es abusado:
- Creo que la persona. Dígale a la persona no es su culpa, y nadie merece ser abusada (no importa lo que dice el compañero).
- No trate de forzar a la persona para romper. Cuando la persona está lista, él/ella dejará.
- Ofrecer su apoyo y recomendar a su amigo a los recursos que ofrecemos.
- Edúquese acerca del abuso.
Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship
- Economic dependence
- Who will support me and the children?
- Wanting a second parent for the children.
- Religious belief
- Pressure to keep the family together.
- Extended family
- Pressure to keep the family together.
- Fear of being alone and on one’s own
- Fear that I can’t cope with home and children by myself.
- If partner had cancer, I’d stick with him/her.
- Partner is really so much worse off than I am. I feel sorry for him/her.
- Rescue complex
- If I stay, I can “save” him/her, help him/her get better.
- Fear of his/her suicide
- Partner says he/she will kill him/herself if I leave.
- It is really not so bad.
- I love him/her, and he/she is often quite loving and lovable when he/she is not being abusive.
- I said I would stay married to him/her “till death do us part”.
- I feel and partner claims that the marital problems are my fault; I caused his/her difficulties and his/her problems.
- It is up to me to work things out and save the marriage.
- Shame, Embarrassment, Humiliation
- I don’t want anyone to know.
- Belief in the American dream of growing up and living happily everafter.
- Many people feel that they need a partner in order to be complete.
- Things will get better.
- Low self-esteem
- It must be my fault, I must deserve it, I’ll never find anyone better. A little love is better than no love at all.
- Sex role conditioning
- This is just the way men/women are.
- Fear about my own physical safety if I leave because he/she has threatened to find me, and to kill me, the kids, and/or my family.
Myths About Domestic Violence
- Battering is rare. Only some people experience it.
- The FBI estimates that, on average, a woman is hit by a male partner every 18 seconds in this country. Some researchers estimate that one-half of all adult women in this country will be hit at least once by a male partner.
- Religious beliefs or practices will prevent battering. Battering does not occur within certain faiths.
- Battering occurs by members of all faith and creeds.
- Domestic Violence only occurs in uneducated, minority, or poor communities.
- Domestic Violence occurs in all communities in our country. Race, lack of education or wealth, and social background do not make battered women. Many rich, educated and well-to-do couples experience domestic violence.
- Victims of domestic violence cannot recover. They will always be battered and damaged.
Survivors can heal and recover from abuse. They can learn to protect themselves
from more violence. However, damage caused to relationships from battering is difficult
- Violent Behavior can never be changed. People who use violence are brutal, evil psychopaths who lack morals.
- Batterers may feel like they have no control over their behavior. However, they have total control over their violence.
Checklist – What you need to take when you leave
- Driver’s license, car title and registration
- Childrens’ birth certificates
- Restraining Order
- Lease rental agreement, house deed
- Bank books
- Insurance papers
- House and car keys
- Small objects you can sell
- Address book
- Medical records for family members
- Social security card
- Welfare identification
- School records
- Work permits
- Green card/immigration papers
- Divorce papers
- Children’s small toys
- Pets (if you can)
Your Safety and Emotional Health
- If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust.
- If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so. Have someone with you.
- Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs.
- Plan to attend a support group to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.
- Decide who you can call to give you the support you need.
- No one deserves to be abused.
Safety When Preparing to Leave
- Always try to take your children with you or make arrangements to leave them with someone safe.
- Determine who would let you stay with them or be willing to lend you money.
- Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, and extra clothes with someone you trust.
- Open a savings account in your own name to start to establish or increase your independence.
- Keep the shelter numbers close at hand along with other important numbers.
- Remember – leaving your batterer can be the most dangerous time.
If You are a Teen in a Violent Relationship
- If things in your relationship don’t feel right to you, talk about it with someone you trust.
- Decide which relative, friend, teacher, or police officer you can go to in an emergency.
- Contact a domestic violence advocate at Domestic Violence Solutions at 964-5245 to learn how to obtain a restraining order and make a safety plan.
- Remember – you should never have to feel afraid in your relationship!
- NO means NO!
DVERT Emergency Response
As members of the Domestic Violence Emergency Response Team (DVERT), DVS staff respond with law enforcement to domestic violence 911 calls and offer support, advocacy, and access to safe shelter.
The program provides “Crisis Counseling” through our Client Advocates, or referral to another provider for ongoing counseling.