What is DVS - Steps to Safety & More

Domestic violence, also known as DV or intimate partner violence (IPV), occurs when a family member, spouse, or intimate partner uses threats or actual harm to control others in a recurring manner. This abuse can manifest in various forms such as physical, emotional, sexual, financial, cyber or stalking. To learn more, please see the resources below.

If you are unsure about whether you are experiencing DV or IPV, or if you require immediate assistance, please call our 24/7 information line 805.964.5245

Safety

Believe the person. Tell the person it is not her/his fault, and nobody deserves to be abused (no matter what the partner says).
Don’t try to force the person to break up. When the person is ready, she/he will leave.
Offer your support, and refer your friend to the resources we offer.
Educate yourself about abuse.

Identification
Driver’s license, car title and registration
Childrens’ birth certificates
Money
Restraining order
Lease rental agreement, house deed
Bank books
Checkbooks
Insurance papers
House and car keys
Medications
Small objects you can sell
Address book
Pictures
Medical records for family members
Social security card
Welfare identification
School records
Work permits
Green card/immigration papers
Passport
Divorce papers
Jewelry
Children’s small toys
Pets (if you can)

If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust.
If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so. Have someone with you.
Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs.
Plan to attend a support group to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.
Decide who you can call to give you the support you need.
No one deserves to be abused.

Careful planning and preparation can help to keep you safe, as leaving an abuser can be the most dangerous time.
Always plan to take your children with you, or arrange for them to be with someone safe.
Open a savings account in your own name—to establish or increase your independence.
Carefully choose and confirm who you can stay with and who can lend you emergency money.
Gather keys, some money, copies of important documents, and extra clothes to leave with someone you trust.
Keep a list of important phone numbers, including the Shelter number, close at hand.

Change locks and add new locks on your doors and windows as soon as possible.
Rehearse a safety plan with your children.
Inform neighbors and landlord that the abuser no longer lives with you, and that they should call the police if they see the abuser near your home.
Inform your children’s school or day care about who is authorized to pick up your children. Provide them with a copy of your Restraining Order.
Change your phone number.
Follow safety steps for technology safety (locator apps, trackers, email, social media).

Determine which co-workers and supervisors you will inform about your situation. This should include security. Provide them with a photo of the abuser, if possible.
Arrange to have someone screen your calls, if possible.
Have a safety plan for when you leave the workplace, including an escort to your car or bus stop or train stop.
Try to have a variety of routes and different times to go home, to avoid a predictable pattern.
Make an action plan in case you encounter the abuser on the way home.

Important DV Articles

Technology and the Abusers Who Use It

Technology can be wonderful to keep us connected to the world. Sadly, many domestic abusers use technology to control, frighten, harass or threaten their victims.

DVS can help end the high-tech abuse, and help put in place protective safeguards.

RIGHT NOW. THIS MINUTE.
Would that person be able to see online right now that you are on this website, or calling the Crisis Line from your phone? Please log off and reach out from a safe device or computer in a safe location.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF TECHNOLOGY ABUSE?

Are you being bullied or even threatened-on-line by a family member or intimate partner?
Have you discovered a tracker or camera that you did not know about, or even if you did, was it installed to monitor or stalk you?

Does this person monitor all your surfing history?
Is your partner or family member controlling or tampering with your social media?
Are your on-line accounts manipulated by your partner or family member?
Is this individual messaging demands for money or inappropriate photos of you?

These behaviors by a family member or intimate partner is a form of domestic abuse.

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!

If you are not really sure, but just have “a feeling”, that you are experiencing tech abuse, you may be right: trust in your gut!

The following basic steps can guide you, but please remember, DVS can guide you:

Identify the vulnerable areas: Phone calls, Surfing, On-line Accounts, Messaging or other communications apps. All can leave a trail. If you are no longer with the abuser, do not give clues to your location, such as googling directions, or emailing or messaging friends. Do not leave a search history of seeking domestic violence help, which might anger the abuser. Use a computer that is safe, like a school or library.
Examine the trail of your online activity: Check activity of your on-line accounts, including all social media. DO NOT SHUT DOWN ANY ACCOUNTS or CHANGE ACCESS, YET: this could raise the abuser’s anger and suspicions.
Protect your phone calls: If you believe the abuser is monitoring your phone calls, you might want to have your phone checked out by your cell service. First, be sure that the abuser cannot find out that you checked for any phone spying. Again, you do not want to raise any suspicion at this point. You also can get a “pay-as-you-go” phone (a “burner phone”) that you can store in a secret place.
Apple users: use this resource from the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you use Apple products https://www.thehotline.org/wp-content/uploads/media/2023/06/apple-safety-check-tipsheet.pdf
If you discover you’re being followed or watched: If you find or learn about a tracker or a camera, as upsetting as it is DO NOT REMOVE THESE DEVICES. Carry on normally, and these can be documented as evidence to prove the stalking behavior, which is abuse.
For now, carry on normally and safely on your devices, so you can begin to document the abuse and gather evidence. Your usual behavior will not make the abuser suspicious. Then you can start to gather and document the proof.
When tech abuse has been stopped: Going forward, you want to stay safe & protected of course. On your devices you can go into settings and increase security steps and add privacy features. New account user names, passwords and security questions will safeguard your devices and accounts.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES: Resources-Survivors — Safety Net Project (techsafety.org)